this week has already been one of the best for personal growth and sexual growth i have had in years. i feel like everything i know, am, and have been is all coming together and making me stronger, more confident and happy. the sum of my parts is greater than the different people i have been through the years. i no longer feel disjointed. i feel like i am everything i have ever been, not a wisp, bending and changing and moving on from past experiences. this strength and confidence in my self, my abilities and experience has led me to take the bull by the horns when it comes to my sex life.
i have always identified as a “pleaser”. i like to make men happy. to make their bodies and dicks feel good and to act in the perfect porn way for them. but this does NOT get me off. my satisfaction and enjoyment of acts came second to my desire to impress. this isnt how i feel any more. i have realized my true sexuality and have started acting on it. and this has led to two of the best sexual experiences of my life. and also i am talking to the other men im interested in the way i want to get what i want. i am not a girl, in need of a man to lead me and validate me. i am a powerful, experienced alpha female who gets off on enjoying peoples bodies and living out fantasies, pushing boundaries and directing how men interact with my body. i know how to make myself feel good. i sure as hell know how to fuck. so just cause im not the one with the dick doesnt mean i cant control all of that. even when im face down, ass up, getting railed.
gone are the days of lying back and taking it, reacting to the boy as if he was doing something spectacular, while in my head im thinking about anything else, eyes closed, porn persona taking over. i no longer will deny myself pleasure in order to try and control how people see me. nothing is sexier than someone genuinely enjoying themselves. and i have enough skills and experience that what i do for my pleasure is incredibly good for the person on the receiving end.
i am in control. i am alpha. the way i act out my sexuality is with me in control, pleasing someone how i enjoy it, making sure its turning me on more than them and my mind isnt wandering because i am bored. i am fully engaged and its causing me to have more, deeper, longer, more satisfying orgasms, quicker than ever before. its changed everything in myself. i am no longer afraid to lay out what i want and how i am going to use the next beautiful man to achieve it, and tell them everything how i want it. its only been a few days, but so far im incredibly excited to have go to the point where i have finally started my own sexual revolution.